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Miss March: Unrated Fully Exposed Edition
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Andreas Petersen (1st October 2009). |
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The Film
 I like pizza. I like ice cream. I really like spaghetti. By themselves, each of these dishes can be amazing, but if someone were to throw them all into a blender together and hit frappe, you would get a disgusting concoction. Now, I like the "Harold and Kumar" movies (2004, 2008). I really like "Tommy Boy" (1995). On their own, I can appreciate these films, but what if someone crammed them all into a blender and hit frappe? You see where I’m going with this. "Miss March" starring, directed, and written by Trevor Moore and Zach Cregger, founders of the IFC film show "The Whitest Kids U’ Know" (2007-Present), may be one of the most unfunny movies I have ever seen, and I’m not just talking about comedies, but all movies in general. I don’t think I laughed at a single joke, or even cracked a smile. The story goes something like this: Eugene (Zach Cregger) is in a relationship with Cindi (Raquel Alessi). The two high school seniors tour middle schools talking about abstinence. However, Cindi is confident enough in their relationship to go “all the way” on prom night. While Cindi waits for Eugene in a bedroom upstairs, Eugene get drunk with his best friend Tucker (Trevor Moore). Eugene is so inebriated (after 3 shots of whiskey no less), he falls down some stairs and goes into a coma for 4 years. Tucker wakes him up by hitting him with a baseball bat, and discovers that Cindi is now a Playboy bunny. The two embark on a wacky adventure to find her at the Playboy mansion, which is about to hold its anniversary party in four days. The plot of a road movie doesn’t have to be brilliant. I was enthralled watching Tommy and Richard sell break pads, and I loved seeing Harold and Kumar try to get some burgers. These two movies worked because, at least for me, they were sprinkled with clever and absurd jokes, coupled with legitimately astounding situations, all of which are tied together with the actors having the gift of comedic timing, not to mention the ability to act. Moore and Cregger however, completely lack any of these perks. The two are abysmal actors, especially Moore. Moore overacting seems to be an incarnation of what people accused Jim Carrey of being in the 90’s, only multiplied by five. Moore’s Tucker is never entertaining as the zany friend, and always just annoying. He is a misogynist, and that is supposed to be enough for him to be funny. I really don’t know what else to say about this movie. I can’t think of a single good thing about it. Aside from Moore and Cregger, the cast is littered with terrible performances, coming in the form of a character named Horsedick.mpeg (Craig Robinson), who plays the tough guy with a soft side stereotype, and some laughably terrible cameos from Playboy Playmates and Hugh Hefner. The movie is an unwatchable mess, and I can’t imagine any sort of person getting any joy out of this garbage. The disc includes both an "R-rated" and "Unrated" version of the film.
Video
"Miss March" is presented in a decent 1.85:1 1080p 24/fps HD widescreen transfer mastered in AVC MPEG-4 compression, and I guess there isn’t much to complain about. As far as a comedy like this goes, I couldn’t ask for much more in terms of a video transfer. All the colors were bright, and there was minimal noise on the screen in dark and light scenes. Overall a good picture. Just wish there was something more interesting to look at.
Audio
"Miss March" is presented in English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 track mixed at 48kHz/24-bit, with an optional French Dolby Digital 5.1 audio track. Like the picture quality, I would say the audio is more suitable than impressive. All the annoying jokes could be heard with clarity, and the action heavy scenes seemed to fill out my speakers nicely. However, some of the songs in the movie seemed to be somewhat muted when I watched the film, and while it didn’t cover up some of the dialogue, it did throw me off a little. Optional subtitles are included in English for the hearing impaired, Portuguese and Spanish.
Extras
"Miss March" sports minimal extras in the form of a few viral videos, a faux music featurette, and some start-up bonus trailers as well as a digital copy of the film, and they are further detailed below: DISC ONE: First up are a set of five viral videos that consist of a fake making-of and fake auditions. Overall, these were terribly unfunny and poorly acted, just like the movie itself, and found no worth in them at all. They are: - "Sound Design" which runs for 4 minutes and 8 seconds. Here, Cregger and Moore do fake foley work, in which they proved sound effects for the films more “gross out” scenes, the big payoff being them wondering how they are going to get a sound effect for felatio. - "Timmy’s Audition" which runs for 1 minute and 32 seconds. A cast member from the duo’s IFC show comes to audition, and the two make fun of him. - "Darren’s Audition" which runs for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. A cast member from the duo’s IFC show comes to audition, and the two make fun of him. And he tries out for the part of Cindi. Hilarious. - "Sam’s Audition" which runs for 3 minutes and 44 seconds. A cast member from the duo’s IFC-I’m not kidding, these three are practically identical. - "Lesbians Audition" which runs for 2 minutes. Here two girls come to audition for the lesbian characters of the film, but read for the role of .mpeg, and then two thugs come in and read for the lesbians. Next up is a fake music documentary of Horsedick.mpeg entitled "Down and Dirty", this featurette runs for 2 minutes and 8 seconds. Here, .mpeg talks about how deep his music is, and the British narrator talks about his rise to stardom. The joke of taking the music seriously is stale before the 2 minute segment is up. This feature can be watched uncensored or censored with the main swearwords bleeped and the nudity black barred. Lastly are a few start-up bonus trailers, and they are for: - "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li" which runs for 1 minute and 9 seconds. - "12 Rounds" which runs for 2 minutes and 23 seconds. - "The Marine II" which runs for 40 seconds. DISC TWO: This is a digital copy of the film.
Overall
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