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Theory of Everything (The)
R1 - America - Sony Pictures Home Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Andreas Petersen (4th January 2010). |
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The Film
 Getting a movie like "The Theory of Everything" to review has bad news written all over in. Just by glancing over the box, I noticed a few things. First off, the film’s writer, director, producer, and star are all the same person (David de Vos). Now, when it comes to film I don’t believe in absolutes, but for some reason, when a movie has one man taking on so much production AND the starring role, I begin to ask questions and have my doubts. Secondly, from what I gather from the press release and the tagline: “Can one man use faith and science to prove the existence of God?”, this is going to be a heavily religious film. Inherently, I have nothing against films or television shows that are laden with religious imagery or look at the questions concerning faith (I‘m a huge fan of "Lost" (2004-Present) and "The Chronicles of Narnia:The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" (2005) to name a few). Hell, the Old Testament is one of my favorite books. However, I could just tell that this was going to be the kind of movie that would treat me like an idiot or charlatan for not jiving with the faith of the main protagonists. And I was right. The film concerns the story of Doug (David de Vos), a man who owns a flight school, but has fallen on hard times. Christmas is fast approaching and his school isn’t making any money, and the caricatures that are his land lords are threatening to kick him out on Jesus’ birthday. During a dinner with his family, Doug gets a phone call from the State, informing him that his biological father Gene (Victor Lundin) needs to be taken care of. He agrees to, in hopes that he can squeeze some money out of his real father in hopes to save his flight school. When he comes to Gene’s house, it is decrepit and covered from floor to ceiling with papers bearing arbitrary equations. Gene is hoping to find a mathematical equation that would prove the existence of God, and in turn, prove heaven, and allow him to see his dead wife again. While to the normal person, this plot would come off as blasphemous and really creepy, the film rolls with it, showing that Gene isn’t clinically insane, and just misses his wife. Doug and Gene ultimately learn to love Christ through their new relationship, and work together to save Doug’s school and to prove Gene’s theory. This film over simplifies issues including adoption, business, marriage, and faith, all in the name of making one of the lamest attempts at a thoughtful faith-based film. The film is nigh unwatchable, whether it’s the terrible acting one every player’s part, the numerous scenes that are lifted out of "Titanic" (1997) and "A Beautiful Mind" (2001) and injected with an overbearing theme of “Christ’s Love”. The production values are through the ground, opting for numerous uses of stock-footage than really filming many scenes. Every scene is bland, and every element of the movie is lazy and about as unsubtle as a film can get. When I watch a movie, especially one to review, there is a part of me that respects anyone who put forth the effort to make a film and get it into my hands. This respect keeps my focus on the movie no matter how boring it is, opting not to divide my attention towards something else, like a book or magazine. However, while watching "The Theory of Everything," I have never fought so hard not to pick up a near-by book to make the film’s paltry 86 minute run time go by faster. This is a disaster all around.
Video
"The Theory of Everything" is offered in a 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, and wow, this has to be one of the worst looking DVD's I have ever laid eyes upon. I was making movies that looked better than this when I was a junior in high school, and the product here looks like a terrible attempt to compress the film to fit on a floppy disc. The whole film looks as though it was dragged through bacon grease and ran through some sort of pixel filter in photo shop. This movie would have guys who directed early 90's after school specials scratching their heads in complete confusion. I’m not even sure HOW this movie looks as bad as it did. I feel like I could vastly improve the image quality on my damn computer. Affirm Films, I’m available for work.
Audio
Not to be outdone by the terrible video quality, the audio of the film is just as poor. "The Theory of Everything" is presented in English Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo, , along with stereo options in Portuguese and Spanish. Listening to this film was like listening to someone try to tell you something when their mouth is full of bread and peanut butter. I could understand most of the dialogue, but the mix was so terrible that entire sequences would go by without me having any idea what was just said. This isn’t helped by the film’s terrible score that is at times too loud and too quiet, but never just right. An all out mess. Optional subtitles are included in English for the hearing impaired, Portuguese and Spanish.
Extras
"The Theory of Everything" has mercifully few extras, and are only here in the form of a few bonus trailers, and they are: - "Inspiring Movies From Affirm Films" which runs for 2 minutes and 46 seconds. - "Affirm Films Action Collection" which runs for 2 minutes and 43 seconds. - "Ice Castles" which runs for 2 minutes and 17 seconds. - "Faith Like Potatoes" which runs for 1 minute and 44 seconds. - "The Note" which runs for 5 minutes and 8 seconds.
Overall
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