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Eyeborgs
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Image Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Anthony Arrigo (30th August 2010). |
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The Film
 I had a masochistic urge sweep over me recently, and I felt like the best method of scratching that itch was to subject myself to something which looked both incredibly stupid and endlessly entertaining. At least, that’s what I was hoping for. And nothing in my stack of Blu-ray discs waiting to be reviewed screamed “I’m the one for this task!” more than “Eyeborgs” (2010). The cover art depicts a massive cyclopean cyborg hovering ominously over a group of scared humans against the backdrop of a ruined, post-apocalyptic city. This, to me, reeked of potential. But, unfortunately, the film doesn’t take place on a charred Earth, nor does it feature Iron Giant-sized robots menacing a reduced population of humans. The actual film itself plays out like a cross between George Orwell’s “1984” and Jim Wynorski’s cult classic “Chopping Mall” (1986), though this film doesn’t benefit from the inclusion of Kelli Maroney’s supple breasts. Instead, we get Adrian Paul’s stuffy, calculated acting and Danny Trejo’s craggy face – not exactly a worthy trade-off. However, I was surprised by the fact that “Eyeborgs” isn’t a completely terrible film. Sure, there is PLENTY wrong with it, and there are a lot of areas I can nail the film for failing in, but once it was all said and done I thought that it was just entertaining enough to hold my interest for its longer-than-it-needed-to-be 107-minute running time. Set in a not-too-distant future, the film opens with a bearded criminal, Sankur (who looks like the hobo Michael Myers from Rob Zombie’s “Halloween II” (2009)), caught on surveillance camera killing a man. Later that night, he attempts to kill the President’s nephew, Jarett (Luke Eberl) at a concert, but before he can an armed squad of police, led by R.J. “Gunner” Reynolds (Adrian Paul) captures him. In the interrogation room, the man explains that what police saw on the video was all an elaborate hoax constructed by the cameras that work within the government’s new security mainframe, O.D.I.N. (the Optical Defense Intelligence Network), and its robotic enforcers, known as “eyeborgs”. He spouts off a lot of information about rigged elections and “Big Brother” conspiracies before dying in a way that causes Gunner to question its veracity. Back on the streets, Jarett meets up with his pal, G-Man (Danny Trejo), to get his guitar fixed. G-Man is skeptical of the government’s intentions regarding the eyeborgs, and it’s soon discovered that he’s part of an underground movement to kill the President and destroy the mainframe. As bodies begin to pile up, Gunner starts to have his doubts about the eyeborg system, even though he’s one of the most ardent defenders of the program. In an effort to crack the story she sees here open wide, a news reporter, Barbara (Megan Blake), trails Gunner with her cameraman. I applaud the film for having ambition – though it’s obvious that the filmmakers didn’t have the resources (or a good enough script) to fully realize their vision. I got a distinct Paul Verhoeven vibe from the opening clip explaining the implementation of the O.D.I.N. system and its mobile robotic enforcers, but the rest of the film didn’t maintain that level of satire his films are known for. It felt as though the material were being taken too seriously – as though viewers should look upon this film as a warning of what may come. But anyone watching a film called “Eyeborgs” most likely isn’t looking for a thought-provoking picture rife with nefarious Big Brother overtones. I know I wasn’t. I expected a tongue-in-cheek B-movie with a couple of low-rent “name” actors and a wealth of death-by-robot gore shots. While we do get some of that, the serious tone the film attempts to convey ruins what could have been a wondrously awful exercise in cult horror. The biggest hurdle preventing the film from attaining even a modest level of B-movie cred is the CGI work. Now I absolutely accept the fact that this is a low-budget production and, as such, they have a limited amount of financing available for special effects. But nothing will ruin my enjoyment of ANY film – blockbuster or otherwise – than shoddy, poorly-rendered CGI. The main issue I have with it is that there’s nothing remotely tangible on the screen. At least the effects work up through the mid-90's had the benefit of largely being composed of practical work. Sure, there were many films made with some less-than-desirable prosthetics and creations appearing on film, but you could excuse it somewhat because you knew that people worked hard to try creating a believable effect in the real world. But once you enter the digital domain, the fault lies squarely on the animators who crank these creations out. The eyeborgs seen here appear in stark contrast to the people they are interacting with; it’s akin to seeing something from a Playstation video game suddenly appearing alongside a flesh-and-blood human. Nothing blends in to the environment seen on film – instead everything just sticks out like a sore thumb.
Video
Surprisingly enough, “Eyeborgs” didn’t have the typically poor picture quality that I often associate with these direct-to-video clunkers. Presented in an aspect ratio of 2.35:1, the film features an adept 1080p 24/fps AVC MPEG-4 encoded image that provides an exceptional amount of detail in almost every scene, with some minor issues that keep it from being perfect. Many daylight scenes, such as the examination of Sankur’s apartment, looked far too hot and blown-out. Night time scenes, though, didn’t look terribly crushed or anemic – they mostly appeared strong and consistent. A major hindrance for the image itself is the film’s titular robots. As I stated, the CGI looks primitive in many ways, and the image suffers when you’re seeing something so obviously digital and out of place on screen. I won’t knock the clarity of the eyeborgs, which look sharp and detailed, but I’d also suppose that if the CGI isn’t top notch, then chances are it’ll always look terrible in high-definition. The main highlights of the image were easily the skin tones and textures – Trejo’s craggy face in high-def makes Charles Bronson look like he simply had a mild case of acne.
Audio
Well, it’s certainly a LOUD track, I can confirm that much. The film’s DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround sound track mixed at 48kHz/24-bit is a beast, but that fact is both a positive and negative. Similar to my complaints about “Legion” (2010), this track sounds like it was simply mixed at far too high a level when the action kicks in. Granted, there is some great directionality to the effects which come through all speakers when the gunfire gets popping. Explosions send your LFE track into overdrive mode, but the drastic difference between dialogue and action scenes is far too great to go overlooked. I’m not saying this is a total negative; I’d never expect something with such a full, intense sound from a throwaway feature. Stereotyping? Maybe, but I rarely encounter anything noteworthy from this type of film. If I had to lodge a major complaint about the sound here, it would be the songs featured in the film. Between the knife-in-your-ears track that plays over the menu to the scream-o concert full of teen hipsters, this movie has the dubious honor of containing some of the worst music I’ve heard in a film. That isn’t hyperbole, either. Congrats. Optional subtitles are included in English and Spanish.
Extras
I’m genuinely surprised there is much of anything included here, but I suppose the constant downfall of Blu-ray fans is that, more often than not, some of the worst films end up with a much more appreciable slate of supplements than those which are more deserving. But I would also assume that the makers of “Eyeborgs” wanted to give anyone who enjoyed the film something to go along with it. This disc contains behind-the-scenes featurettes, deleted scenes and the film’s theatrical trailer. There are a handful of behind-the-scenes featurettes (1080p) available for the following: - “Making Eyeborgs” runs for 9 minutes and 2 seconds. Standard stuff here – the cast and crew discuss how the project came together, the casting process and everything else that it took to see the film produced. - “Stunts” runs for 7 minutes and 54 seconds. Dale Girard, the stunt coordinator (and character in the film), discusses the team he brought aboard the set to perform the necessary roughness in the film. - “Visual Effects” runs for 9 minutes and 9 seconds. As you’d expect, this delves into the world of the animators who helped bring the eyeborgs to life. They talk about bringing the robots to life in a film shot on handheld, as well as showing some rough animatics for many scenes. - “How to Make a Robot in 3 Minutes” runs for 3 minutes and 34 seconds. Taking some liberties with time compression, the artists and animators on the film show us how a robot is designed and brought to life in – you guessed it – 3 minutes time. There's a standard blooper reel (1080p) runs for 2 minutes and 50 seconds. A selection of deleted scenes (1080p) is available for the following: - “Brandon and Tonya Smoke” runs for 2 minutes and 13 seconds, the two hot box their vehicle in the most “kind” way possible. - “Extended Interrogation” runs for 32 seconds, this is just some extra dialogue with our opening bearded assassin at the police station. - “Barbara and Eric Review Footage” runs for 1 minute and 3 seconds, I’d say this one is fairly self-explanatory. - “Sankur’s Apartment” runs for 53 seconds, this is just an extension of the search by police that takes place at this location. - “Eric’s Files” runs for 44 seconds, Barbara looks through some files on the computer. - “Barbara Meets ED” runs for 4 minutes and 13 seconds, this work-in-progress scene features a temp track and unfinished effects. In it, Barbara meets her new photographer – a robot. Finally, the film’s theatrical trailer (480p) runs for 2 minutes and 4 seconds.
Packaging
Nothing fancy here – just a standard amaray keep case.
Overall
There were some entertaining moments to be found in “Eyeborgs”, but it didn’t embrace what it is: a cheesy B-movie with little chance of becoming a cult classic. Hell, it might have become a contemporary cult classic had they used practical robot effects and old-school gore. But the less than impressive CGI couple with a script that felt schizophrenic led me to be ultimately disappointed in the film. Thankfully, if you do have to watch it there’s the benefit of a mostly-solid image and some insanely loud audio. But I’d skip the extras unless you really liked the film – there isn’t much of value found there.
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