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Caught in the Crossfire
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Lions Gate Home Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Anthony Arrigo (15th September 2010). |
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The Film
 A wave of terror large enough to star in “The Poseidon Adventure” (1972) rolled over me as I selected my latest entry from the review stack and saw that it starred both Chris Klein and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. I know that it’s often wrong to judge a movie by its cover, and I have been genuinely surprised by a few before, but I’m familiar with some of Klein’s previous work, so it’s a legitimate concern when I see him headlining anything other than a stint on some “celebrity” reality show. As for Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson… well, it isn’t that I wasn’t willing to give him a chance, but I’m not a fan of his “music” (quotes because, let’s face it, it’s crap) and the little bits of acting I have seen out of him reminded me why most rappers should stick to their day job. I know that his high-profile, “let’s see if I can replicate Eminem’s success”, motion picture debut, “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” (2005), fizzled out at the box office. Since then, it looks like ol’ Fiddy has been busy pumping out enough direct-to-video trash to make Steven Seagal look lazy. If “Caught in the Crossfire” (2010) is indication of the quality I can expect from his project selections, I think we’ve all been graciously spared a theatrical assault by seeing his films wind up in the $5 bin at Wal-mart. This is yet another film about crooked cops, drugs, bad deals, double-crossing… you know, all the crap that screenwriter Brian A. Mil… wait a second, this guy wrote, directed AND acted in this film. And it’s essentially his first attempt at all three roles? Oy vey. Briggs (Chris Klein) and his partner Shepherd (Adam Rodriguez) are transporting one of their informants, Tino (Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson) to a meet-up location when a massive gunfight breaks out. Several officers are injured, suspects are killed – SPOILER ALERT – Tino takes a bullet to the head (!) – and the mess becomes to target of an investigation by Internal Affairs into crooked cops within the department. What follows next is a series of flashbacks uncovering the events which led up to the firefight, including the discovery that many in the department aren’t on the right side of the law, or who they appear to be. I realize that this couldn’t possibly sound any more generic, but try watching it; it’s actually worse. Let’s tackle the apparent renaissance man of the film, writer/director/actor Brian A. Miller. Now, look, I think it’s commendable and all that this guy obviously put a lot of himself into making this film. He wrote a (terrible) script, he (poorly) directed the thing and he (horrendously) acted in it. That’s a lot to put on anyone’s plate, as many should know that getting a film made – and being the one making it – isn’t an easy task. But I get the distinct feeling that Miller was more concerned with just making something – anything - versus actually putting forth even a modest effort to craft a remotely unique take on the dead horse that is the crooked cop subgenre. That his film stands out as a textbook example of exactly what shouldn’t be done only furthers my point. Hell, I’m willing to bet just about anyone could have hammered out this drivel in an afternoon. Everything from the clichéd “let’s show the ending without the final twist first” opening right on down to the “how could you not see this coming” twist screams at you to stop watching the film to find something productive to do with your time. I can almost hear Miller’s screenwriting teacher at the local community college giving him pointers on how to really flesh out the script to give it character and depth, or some such nonsense. I’d say that maybe he should limit his scope to one singular focus - like maybe just directing – but the fact that he’s a triple loser right out of the gate tells me that he’s got a long road of low-budget, forgettable features ahead of him. Of course, I’m sure he’s got to know 50 Cent through some social connection. Here, 50 is executive producer (read: he probably paid to be in the film) in addition to flexing his acting muscle (which is as a strong as a limp wrist). The guy must REALLY want to act because he picks films that aren’t likely to be seen by anyone outside of his fan base. I don’t follow his career, but I keep up on entertainment news through various sites and I don’t recall hearing he was even making moves since his life story bombed hard 5 years ago. Last I heard he had lost something like 60 pounds to play a cancer patient in an upcoming sports drama (I think?). Gunning for that Oscar? Let me save you the trouble and state that it ain’t happening; not with the limited range you’ve managed to display thus far. I was positively thrilled when he was gunned down 5 minutes into the film, but once they started in with the flashbacks I knew I was in for more mediocrity. Although, as a minor defense, acting alongside Chris Klein could even make someone like Channing Tatum look like Jack Nicholson, so 50 has a couple brief moments when he commands the scene. Again, he must love the craft of acting so much that he’s less concerned with headlining high profile theatrical releases and more content with simply saddling up to whatever he’s offered. At least, it seems that way because he couldn’t have possibly cherry-picked this script from a comically massive stack surrounding him. That, or his agent should be drawn and quartered. Regardless, the point is that he’s managed to stay out of theaters for almost half a decade, and I think this is only a good thing. Chris Klein is the new William Shatner - just without any of the charm, bravado, gravitas, wit, charisma, dashing good looks… you get the point. I’m making the comparison mostly because Klein tends to have zero clue how to properly emote during a scene, instead he reads (or shouts) his lines with little concern for the intended impact they should carry (Shatner is the master of this). The only reason he even has some kind of name recognition is because was fortunate enough to play the role of lunkhead ‘Oz’ in “American Pie” (1999). Since then, he’s been in nothing memorable. Klein spends a lot of time shouting here, and the lines that he does deliver with a more soothing tone sounds like he’s rehearsing for a high school play. This guy gets paid to do this? Someone, please, get me out of my day job and I’ll take half of what this buffoon is pulling down because there’s no way acting can be this hard. Of course, it helps to have a strong director who knows how to wring a convincing performance out of his actors. And as I stated earlier, Brian A. Miller is not that man. Klein’s insistence on single-handedly ruining this film (acting-wise) furthers my claim that Miller let him run wild like a dog off his leash, and the film becomes a comedy when it should be much more serious in tone.
Video
Congratulations are in order for “Caught in the Crossfire” because it features the single-worst video transfer I have ever had the displeasure of choking my way through on Blu-ray. Someone, please, do me a favor and shoot cinematographer William Eubank. Ok, maybe that’s taking things a bit far, but I will constantly reference him as someone who should never shoot a feature film again. The 1.78:1 1080p 24/fps AVC MPEG-4 encoded image is the haziest, most washed-out, drab, ugly, revolting picture that I’ve ever seen in high-definition. Was an attempt even made to control the lighting on set? Entire scenes are ruined by floods of natural light invading the frame, causing refractions to bounce off the lens so strongly that you often can’t even make out what’s going on. Please don’t tell me this was an artistic flourish or some pathetic attempt to imbue the picture with added realism. I’ll give the image faint praise for exhibiting some adequate detail during the few daylight scenes we’re treated to, but the majority of the picture takes place in dark, gloomy low-lighting conditions, and it suffers tremendously.
Audio
What is it with the wildly uneven audio tracks these days? The English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround sound track mixed at 48kHz/24-bit is another example of dialogue being mixed at a reasonable level, but the action scenes have been cranked up to “11”. You’ll spend more time fiddling with your remote control than you will watching the damn film, though that may be a selling point, if anything. Is this some post-production decision made to sell the action scenes as being more intense and bombastic than they really are? I mean, they aren’t, but why mix the gunfire so much louder than everything else? All it does is produce a soundscape that is inconsistent and, more often than not, annoying. Almost everything is front-loaded, so your rears will get a nice vacation while your front end is working overtime trying to keep up with the volume disparity. Between this dreadful track and Klein’s laughable line delivery, I might have to suggest you’d be better off watching it on mute. Subtitles are included in English, English for the hearing impaired and Spanish.
Extras
Mercifully, Lionsgate has spared us (read: me) from having to wade through a sea of extra features related to the film. We simply get some outtakes, the film’s theatrical trailer and bonus trailers for other Lionsgate titles. An outtakes reel (1080p) runs for 10 minutes and 32 seconds. Ironically, the film itself plays out like a reel of crappy outtakes except you have to endure it for 85 minutes. At least this has brevity going for it. The film’s theatrical trailer (480p) runs for 1 minute and 46 seconds. Some bonus trailers (480p) for other Lionsgate releases are included for the following: - “Open House” runs for 2 minutes and 5 seconds. - “Neighbor” runs for 1 minute and 37 seconds. - “Ninja’s Creed” runs for 1 minute and 27 seconds. - “Sixgun” runs for 1 minute and 2 seconds. - “Lionsgate Blu-ray” promo runs for 47 seconds. Finally, the ubiquitous bookmarks feature is included. I’d say those unfortunate enough to own this film could use it to mark the film’s horrendous, unintentionally hilarious scenes, but you’d just end up listing them all.
Packaging
I’m going to say that the film comes appropriately housed in an amaray eco-case because, if you manage to make it through the film, you’ll immediately want to dump it into the nearest recycling bin.
Overall
If nothing I’ve said above has convinced you that this film is a bigger waste of your time than staring at a blank screen for 85 minutes, then I have obviously failed in doing my job. Good luck, and may god be with you.
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