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ExTerminators
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray ALL - America - Image Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Ethan Stevenson (3rd January 2011). |
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The Film
 There’s a moment towards the end of John Inwood’s “Ex-Terminators” – or, for the pedantic reader, more correctly, “exTerminators” – where Stella (Jennifer CoolidgeHeather Graham), begins a toast by saying, “I know you expect me to be funny…” She then launches into a terribly unfunny, supposedly heartfelt speech about friendship and girl-power. A speech that rings rather false and is completely condescending considering she’s a cold-blooded murderer who’s turned her pest control business and loyal all-female band of employees into a for-hire assassination squad that specializes in killing rotten husbands and boyfriends for local women “in need.” I mention this because the speech (and it’s disconnected subtext) also speaks to another, bigger problem – a problem with the film as a whole. “Ex-Terminators” is marketed as a dark comedy; a comedy so sinister that it’s considered to be a member of the even smaller “black comedy” subgenre. The film certainly deals in some dark, dark shit. Murdering abusive husbands, and healthily profiting off of their deaths is definitely shady but is it funny? I suppose in a way it is, and at the same time, no, it really isn’t. I did let out a chuckle or two during the film, but at scenes where I probably shouldn’t have been laughing (seriously, what’s not funny about the stereotypical Texan wife-beater alcoholic pitifully meeting his end by being driven off of a cliff and having his Geo Metro explode in a massive fireball at the bottom of a ravine? Well, a lot I guess, depending on how you feel about subjects like spousal abuse, cultural stereotypes, and vehicular manslaughter.) But, comedy is always highly subjective, so I won’t say that “Ex-Terminators” is a bad movie because it isn’t funny – someone is bound to find this film absolutely hilarious, even if I found the film to be frightfully mean-spirited and only occasionally not cringe worthy. No, it’s a bad movie because it doesn’t know what it wants to be. There are at least five stories working against each other during the hour and a half that “Ex-Terminators” persists. After being fired from her job and dumped by her boyfriend, Alex attacks a man over a blouse – her one act of violence, ever – landing her a 12-month sentence in an anger management class. At this class she meets a host of other violent women including Stella, who offers her a job, a wacko with a proclivity for lighting “grabby” men on fire named Nikki (Amber Heard) and the woman that the trio eventually save from her abusive Geo-driving husband, Kim (Joey Lauren Adams). Not content with a simple story of murder and lies, screenwriter Suzanne Weinert shoe-horns in a subplot about Stella being audited by an IRS agent (Sam Lloyd from “Scrubs” (2001-2009)) who stalks his female clients and a limp romantic subplot that’s not presented as anything but genuine between Alex and a detective (Matthew Settle) working the string of sudden, mysterious murders seems out of place and slows the narrative down to a crawl. Together, none of these plot lines really work; apart, most of them are unoriginal. The anger management plot is often too serious (the therapist running the show has a heart-to-heart with two police officers about the injustices and gender bias of the American legal system), the silly rom-com storyline between Graham and Settle is just too cutesy for a film that otherwise tries to be downright wicked, and Lloyd’s IRS agent literally disappears during the lull that is the second act only to clumsily reappear in the final minutes of the film to have some swift justice handed to him. Meanwhile the so-called comedy at work is distilled by any one of these diversions; the seriousness makes any off-color joke sour, the romantic stuff makes the murders seem unjust, and Lloyd makes his character far too creepy to be funny. Sadly, director John Inwood doesn’t seem to be aware that the script is so wildly uneven and that his actors aren’t bringing the funny like they should be (Coolidge is the lone exception, she’s hysterical even when the film isn’t). Worse yet, Inwood shakily flip-flops between different styles and techniques. The film opens with Graham’s Alex giving an unclear interview to a faceless cameraman (it isn’t revealed until the end who she’s talking too), but it’s used neither consistently or correctly as a narrative device. The “interviews” fades into voice-over narration and then gives way to the story; which would be a fine way to transition the storyline trough large gaps in time, but this device only sporadically reappears to re-center the film and this device isn’t used to support many other obvious leaps into the future. At times “Ex-Terminators” plays like a cheap noir-knockoff; a detective story, with shadowy lighting and a different editing rhythm, but other scenes appear as though the film is a gritty documentary (handheld camerawork, small fast zooms), and for one short streak the film even goes off into a fantasy-laden flashback (a device that is never used again) so that Nikki can tell a disturbing story at group therapy. This is all surrounded by generic comedic filmmaking; colorful images and clean, but ordinary camera movements. These conflicting styles can correspond with the different plot threads, so you might think that the stylistic variance is deliberate, but, no, there’s little reasoning behind the camera; scenes that should look one way look another, totally destroying that thought. Instead of cohesion and semblance, the different styles and wildly inconsistent tone make it seem like you’re watching a series of disconnected vignettes, and not a singular narrative, which only harms the film even more. Despite some talent in front of the camera, “Ex-Terminators” isn’t worth the price of admission. There’s probably a decent film to be made from this mess, but I couldn’t find it while watching. It’s an inconsistent, disjointed pursuit for entertainment that feels like five films in one. The film may only be 90 minutes but it feels much longer. Inwood’s direction is hapless; the script is in desperate need of a rewrite. Don’t waste your time.
Video
“Ex-Terminators” looks unexpectedly good on Blu-ray. The 1080p 24/fps 1.85:1 widescreen high definition image supports the low budget indie production well, with inky blacks and a bright color palette. Detail is strong with only the occasionally soft close up failing to reveal fine texture. Film grain is light but well compressed, there’s little evidence of noise reduction, and edge enhancement is a non-issue. Despite being restricted to a single layer disc, the AVC MPEG-4 encode remains strong with few noticeable compression artifacts. All things considered, the film looks quite good.
Audio
Unfortunately the same can’t be said for the audio. Despite healthy specs and a decent bitrate, the English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 track fails to impress. In fact, if I hadn't seen the DTS-HD logo light up on my receiver I wouldn’t have thought this to be a lossless mix. It also doesn’t export any sort of rear-leaning ambiance and only occasionally pans to the left and right speakers. This is a very front-focused, bland affair. (Again, without the front panel on my receiver I would swear this was mono.) Directionality just isn’t there. LFE is nonexistent. Dialogue is intelligible and clean (the tracks one saving grace), but moments that should showcase depth don’t, and whole scenes, like the "post-graduation" celebration at the bar – even with music blaring at top volume – sound flat and indistinct. Complaints aside, I suppose it’s a passable offering in that, as a talky feature that has little else going on, the most important aspect – dialogue – is fine. There are no subtitles or captions; no dubs either.
Extras
This disc is about as barebones as they come. The static menu is incredibly simple, without any tabs hiding secondary audio or subtitle menus and there are no scene selections. There’s really nothing beyond the film at all – except one lonely special feature that is positioned below a button marked “play feature”. This supplement is a gag reel (480i) that clocks in at an unbearably lengthy 21 minutes 29 seconds. I couldn’t stomach the whole thing; I don’t imagine many will be able to. It’s too long, not at all funny and has poor image and sound quality. Forced bonus trailers for “The Lightkeepers” (16x9 480p, 2 minutes 25 seconds) and “Fade to Black” (16x9 480p, 1 minute 52 seconds) auto-play before the menu.
Packaging
I generally hate cheap eco-cases, but if I had to choose between the different varieties, the Vortex brand is the least offensive. It uses less plastic and is noticeably lighter than a standard Blu-ray keepcase but, unlike Elites god-awful design, this one hasn’t had large holes cut into it... Anyway, that’s the type of case that Image has afforded the film. “Ex-Terminators” arrives on a single-layered BD-25 that is region free.
Overall
Good video doesn’t amount to much, especially when the film that it supplements is as cheerless, unfunny and awkward as “Ex-Terminators”. This low budget comedy doesn’t know what it wants to be. Despite a few decent performances (mostly by Coolidge; the general likeability and hotness of Heather Graham slightly improves prospects too) I didn’t find much to like about it. The blu-ray is sort of a disappointment too – despite the good video – with problematic audio and one awful, awful extra. Skip it.
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