|
|
|
The Three Musketeers: Special Edition
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Summit Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Anthony Arrigo (17th May 2012). |
|
The Film
 I have to admire the balls on Milla Jovovich. Last year, when Summit Entertainment released (her husband) Paul W.S. Anderson’s “The Three Musketeers” (2011), and it bombed horribly (opening in 4th place with a hair over $8 million), she took to Twitter and blasted the marketing team for not doing enough to help the film appeal to families and audiences in general. The only possible explanation I can surmise is that she hadn’t seen the film. I’ve long had distrust for Anderson’s work, as the only good film he’s accomplished making was “Event Horizon” (1997), and that was 15 years ago. Since then, he’s done nothing but pump out one lame duck after another, often pulling double duty by writing these turkeys as well. Yes, I’m sorry, but even the “Resident Evil” (2002-present) series of films is terrible, although the first one does have some merit. I almost feel slightly bad for the guy, because in all the interviews I’ve seen with him he seems like a totally nice, grounded dude who loves making films. Terrible, shitty films, unfortunately. There’s nothing different with his take on “The Three Musketeers”, yet another film based on Alexandre Dumas’ 1844 classic (which has so far amassed over 20 film adaptations and at least 7 “sequel” titles). Anderson fills the film with all of his trademark flat, cringe-worthy humor, trite dialogue, implausible scenarios and enough slow-motion shots to make Zack Snyder think he’s overdoing it. I often wonder why a director in his position would waste considerable resources and talent rehashing an old story that, frankly, hasn’t had a good film version in almost 40 years. And when a great, modern version of that film finally does come out, it won’t be directed by someone with Anderson’s sensibilities; that much I’m sure of. Having not read the book, I can’t tell you how far this deviates from the source material, but the general plotline is the same as most other tales involving the Musketeers. Our leading trio – Athos (Matthew MacFayden), Porthos (Ray Stevenson), and Aramis (Luke Evans) – run across a young swordsman, D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman), eager to show off his skills. He challenges the three men to a duel, not knowing they are the Musketeers he seeks, until Captain Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen) arrives with an army of men intent on defeating them. They fight, win, and take in the young boy as a sort of 4th Musketeer. Meanwhile, the former flame of Athos, Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich), is plotting with the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) to create a fleet of flying warships to attack France as soon as they can hatch a plan to start a war. The Musketeers have to stop them – naturally – and avoid the watchful eye of Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz), who is trying to make his own grasp for power. Ok, let’s start with the first thing Anderson got wrong: casting Logan Lerman. This. Kid. Can. Not. Act. Period. I’ve seen worse, for sure, but when you’re constructing a massive period film like this around the central figure of D’Artagnan, you’d better make sure the actor you’ve cast has some solid chops. I’m not familiar with any of the other work he’s done, but he acts green enough here to make me think this is his first rodeo. He’s not quite up to Hayden Christensen standards (he hasn’t ruined a franchise… yet), but I’ll give him time. I understand the character is supposed to be young, brash, a bit (ok, a lot) cocky, that’s fine. Lerman doesn’t portray him convincingly, however, so all of those traits mean nothing because he comes across as a pompous, arrogant little ass. I could name almost a dozen young actors that would have run circles around this role – maybe even made the film halfway decent – but Lerman’s presence assures that the movie remains dreck. Speaking of bad acting, I won’t harp on her too much (since she’s had a few good roles), but I have to admit Milla Jovovich has never done much for me. Her acting feels so stilted and… lazy. It’s like she smoked a joint big enough to make Cheech & Chong envious before sauntering off to the set. There’s just no life to any of her roles. Sure, she plays the tough girl, and she does some of her own stunts, and she’s incredibly doable in every way, but her performances ring hollow for me. It’s not a big surprise; models almost never make good actresses. She just happened to get lucky enough to marry the guy who keeps casting her in his films. It bothers me to see outstanding actors squander their considerable talents, hampered by the trappings of an expensive, albeit pretty, piece of shit. There are at least three here, and these three men are the only reason I could last to the end credits: Ray Stevenson, Christoph Waltz, and Mads Mikkelsen. Anderson should count his lucky stars at night that he was able to secure such talent, especially Waltz who, fresh off of his Oscar win, was clearly eager to sink his teeth into some meaty American roles. It’s too bad for him that his next two pictures were this, and the equally-unwatchable “The Green Hornet” (2011). The films’ best lines are delivered by his character, a Cardinal with nefarious dealings, with that same devilish charm that won him so many awards prior. Mikkelsen, once again playing a character with eye problems (as he’s done in “Casino Royale” (2006), “Valhalla Rising” (2009) and “Clash of the Titans (2010)), is just a complete and total badass in every sense of the word. If there’s anyone in the cast who could’ve easily handed all three Musketeers their ass, it’s this guy. He’s guile, cunning, ruthless, and he isn’t an idiot. His final battle with D’Artagnan proves this, although it doesn’t end how I thought it should have. He needs to make more films like “Valhalla Rising” (which is impeccable) and less like this. Don’t waste your talents, man! Finally, we come to Stevenson, an actor who has been keeping busy but hasn’t really broken out like he should. He was the best part of HBO’s cut-too-soon “Rome” (2005-2007), though most people might remember him as Frank Castle in the insanely violent, and far better than it gets credit for being, “Punisher: War Zone” (2008). His character of Porthos is not unlike many roles he’s played before – that of a lumbering giant who uses brute strength to get what he wants. I don’t think he got enough good lines or memorable scenes out of this film, but his presence was enough to generate mild interest on my part once the movie was announced. The gravitas provided by these three men is the only thing that kept the film from being a completely unwatchable mess. Well, scratch that, there is one other thing – the aerial ship battle is well staged. I have to give Anderson credit for making that come together so well. I know from the special features that the ships used were actual sets built for the film, not some partial ship with CGI filling in the rest, so we’re treated to many long shots of both massive hulls engaging in cannon warfare high above the clouds. I don’t recall any films I’ve seen that in before (not saying it’s never been done), so it made for some spectacular third act action after the film had been dragging for a while. The production design on these ships really is impressive. The work done here almost looks like these were exact replicas of ships from that period. I know the motion of a flying fleet seems a bit absurd – I mean, it’s just a ship with a means of flying attached to it overhead – but it manages to work well enough on screen that you can probably suspend disbelief and just enjoy things getting blown up real good.
Video
I can say that the cameras used have managed to capture a gorgeous picture that looks wonderful on Blu-ray. The 2.35:1 1080p 24/fps AVC MPEG-4 is practically flawless, with a picture that appears so natural at times it borders on looking out a window. I have to hand it to Summit; just about every release from them I’ve seen has been nothing short of excellent. The film opens in the canals of Venice (at least, that’s where it’s supposed to be), and the level of detail in the architecture and design on the buildings was immediately apparent, especially when set against the deep, rich waters of the canal. There’s one aspect to a presentation that I feel elevates a ‘good’ image to ‘great’, and that’s depth. I’m sure that much of the perceived depth here has to do with careful production design to accommodate, and enhance, the 3D effect (available separately as a 2-disc edition with a 3D version of the film), but the benefit for 2D home theaters viewers is that the picture gains a greater sense of reality. The film’s color palette skews toward darker blues and purple, but often favors earthier, warm tones as well. These colors are reproduced with great clarity, but they also aid in helping out shades stand out much more, such as the red in the Cardinal’s wardrobe, or much of the gold that is seen frequently throughout. Anderson’s decision to use real sets in place of all-CGI environments allows the camera to capture every nuanced detail of the production design, and it’s all quite sumptuous. The CGI shots the film does contain, however, tend to stand out more within the framework of such a crystal clear image. I can’t fault the picture for looking so good that it makes deficiencies more apparent, so I’ll just chalk it up as something you have to accept as part of filmmaking these days. Grain is minimal, if barely evident, which only aids in maintaining the spotless image throughout.
Audio
Big. Loud. Thunderous. Bombastic. Dynamic. Those are a few of the words I would use to describe the film’s English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround sound track mixed at 48kHz/24-bit. One thing I’ve always appreciated about bad films is that the quality of the image is never beholden to the quality of the audio. While “The Three Musketeers” might be a steaming pile of dung on screen, the blast it produced while being crapped out could shake the heavens. Right from the get-go, viewers will feel immersed in the film’s universe. There is a great sense of presence and depth to the track, with a sound field that deftly covers all angles. The “oomph” it packs is nothing short of tremendous, and your LFE track will long resonate from the many cannon blasts and general mayhem that is carried out on screen. I did find the score to be a big disappointment. A theatrical period piece of this intended magnitude should have a full, robust score that is commensurate with the dashing action on screen. Instead, Paul Haslinger’s score felt like something ripped from a cheesy TV movie-of-the-week, or like something they’d play at a theme park while actors dressed up like swashbucklers put on a show for tourists. I think it works well for a Paul W.S. Anderson film, but that’s damning it with almost no praise at all. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe these two are right for each other. Regardless, I wanted to hear some more identifiable themes for these characters. Haslinger should have taken a page out of Sergio Leone’s book (which would have been fitting since Anderson mentions on the commentary that he was channeling him while making this film) and given clear themes for our main characters. A film with a bland, uninteresting score is almost as bad as one with no score at all. Even if the film can’t move me in some way, the music still has a shot at getting viewers more invested in a picture. The disc also includes a Spanish Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound track. Subtitles are available in English for the hearing impaired and Spanish.
Extras
While the film didn’t exactly thrill audiences in the U.S., it made enough money in other countries where tastes must be less discerning to warrant this marginally-special edition. The main draw here is an interactive feature that bombards the viewer with pop-up windows, scrolling factoids and scene-specific information on the film. Additionally, we also get an audio commentary, deleted/extended scenes, featurettes and bonus trailers. I’m amazed this doesn’t have a digital copy, since I thought they were a standard at this point. Consider it a blessing? “Access: Three Musketeers” (1080p) is an interactive feature that can be enabled from the main menu. Once selected, the film plays in a style similar to WB’s "Maximum Movie Mode", where throughout the film production anecdotes pop up, interview clips with regard to the current scene are played, behind-the-scenes footage is shown, maps are displayed and fighting styles are outlaid. It delves into any and all aspects of the film’s production, leaving few stones unturned. Your interest, however, will rely on whether or not you enjoyed the film since activating this feature makes it an even lengthier experience. The "filmmakers" audio commentary (I hate it when packaging can’t just tell you who’s on the damn thing) consists of director/producer Paul W.S. Anderson, and producers Jeremy Bolt & Robert Kulzer. The real meaty participant here is Anderson; the other two don’t interject much aside from typical producer notes (i.e. lots of budget talk). The director sounds as exuberant and excited as usual, gushing about some of the impressive locations they used, architecture, his preference for using practical effects whenever possible and what drew him to making this film. Say what you will about his films (pssttt… they’re terrible), but the guy clearly has a passion for cinema that, unfortunately, comes through clearer in his speech than his films. Up next, there is a handful of short featurettes (1080p) based around the production of the film: - “Paul W.S. Anderson’s Musketeers” runs for 2 minutes and 29 seconds. The film’s director talks about why he was drawn to making yet another adaption of Alexandre Dumas’ classic tale. He also lets you know that his favorite film version of the trio was done by director Richard Lester. - “Orlando Bloom Takes on The Duke” runs for 1 minute and 59 seconds. Sadly, this is not some alternate reality clip wherein John Wayne pummels Legolas’ ass for an indeterminate amount of time. Instead, we just get Bloom talking about how great it was to play a ‘fun’ bad guy. - “17th Century Air Travel” runs for 2 minutes and 20 seconds. Anderson spends a few minutes gushing about the 3-story ships that were built for the film. They really are impressive, proving that, once again, something tangible will always trump a giant, crappy CGI ship. - “Uncovering France in Germany” runs for 2 minutes and 14 seconds. The film was shot primarily in Germany, with many locations able to stand in for both France and Italy. A great deal of architecture in the region bears a resemblance to styles from both countries during that time period. It’s really amazing when you see some of these places they were able to shoot. There are numerous deleted & extended scenes (1080p) included, almost all of which consist of brief dialogue snippets that likely wouldn’t have done much for the film either way. Note that while the packaging states these include filmmakers’ commentary, they do not. The scenes included are: - “Where’s the Key?” runs for 43 seconds, an extended bit during the film’s opening in Venice. - “Catching You” runs for 1 minute and 41 seconds, an extension of the interrogation scene with Porthos. - “Entering Da Vinci’s Vault” runs for 32 seconds, another extended brief dialogue exchange. - “Chess Game” runs for 2 minutes and 3 seconds, slightly extended game of chess between King Louis XIII and the Cardinal. - “Queen Anne Disputes the Cardinal” runs for 50 seconds, she disagrees with something he has said. - “Buckingham’s Arrival” runs for 1 minute and 26 seconds, more talk as our villain arrives to meet the King. - “Buckingham and Cardinal in the War Room” runs for 1 minute and 14 seconds, yep, more dialogue. - “Queen Anne and Constance” runs for 44 seconds, the ladies enjoy a little girl talk. - “Planchet and the Horse” runs for 22 seconds, our fat comic relief makes a joke to a horse. - “Tower of London” runs for 1 minute and 9 seconds, Milady and Buckingham have a steamy discussion. - “The Musketeers on the Airship” runs for 20 seconds, just enough time for a brief joke. - “D’Artagnan and Rochefort Fight” runs for 4 minutes and 7 seconds, some extended bits during the film’s climactic sword fight. The disc opens with bonus trailers (1080p) for the following: - “Man on a Ledge” runs for 2 minutes and 25 seconds. - “The Darkest Hour” runs for 2 minutes and 26 seconds.
Packaging
Comes housed in an Blu-ray eco-case. Initial pressings contain a slip-cover which replicates the cover art.
Overall
If you’re a fan of Anderson work, you’re the target audience here to eat this up with a knife and fork. If, however, you think Anderson hasn’t produced anything but cinematic bowel movements for the past 15 years, then you’re going to think this is the nadir of his output. I applaud the man for being passionate about films and filmmaking, but good intentions pave the road to very bad places. Aside from what is an admittedly gorgeous production design, this film has very little to appeal to moviegoers. Sometimes, Milla, films tank for a reason.
|
|||||
|