|
|
 |
Embrace of the Vampire: Unrated
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Anchor Bay Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Anthony Arrigo (22nd December 2013). |
|
The Film
 Like any good horror fan, I have vivid memories of scouring video store racks looking for lurid horror to rent. Nothing is better to a 13-year-old than combining a favorite genre with softcore Skinemax style sex. And one of the crown jewels during my adolescent years was “Embrace of the Vampire” (1995), starring Alyssa Milano. The film sold just about every guy past puberty on a tale of vampirism and lesbian sex, starring Tony Danza’s grown-up and incredibly hot TV daughter. The cover art didn’t even try to trump the film up any. It was simply Milano, shirt down around her shoulders, looking like she was just about to go for a romp in the hay. Sold. Who cares if the film was a dud, completely forgettable in every sense outside of an undeniably steamy woman to woman exchange with Milano and another equally-gorgeous creature? Point being, the success of the film was predicated on how many horny horror fans wanted to see what they were selling, which was Milano. End of story. So then why remake the movie? Beats me. This “remake” – using the term loosely here – only does one thing similarly as far as I remember: lesbian sex. Otherwise, what we’re given is a dreadful 90 minutes of catty women complaining about each other while our lead, here Sharon Hinnendael as Charlotte Hawthorn, has weird dreams about vampires before waking up in strange locations. She’s a newbie at an all-girls school, located in one goddamn gorgeous part of the world (actually Canada), where she’s on the fencing team and living in a dorm nicer than my place. Her roommates are all gorgeous, as are all of the girls on the fencing team. Come to think of it, everyone here is, including the professor who teaches a class you’d think only weirdoes would check out: the occult and creature lore. And this Dean Cain looking guy teaches the class and woos Charlotte in the process. There’s also a vampire killing girls on campus, but who cares? There are plenty of hot women to go around, and they’re all so playful! As expected, this was a chore to get through. The end credits should never feel like such salvation when you’re watching a movie. I will give the film some minor credit for using a nice array of practical effects to simulate vampire attacks, showcasing some nasty wounds and bloody aftermaths. But outside of the eye candy moments, you’re just left with an empty vessel devoid of any interest. Honestly, how can anyone find intrigue in a plot about horribly annoying, spiteful women being picked off on campus? These are exactly the kind of people we want to see killed. The vampire flashbacks to 1735 add a bit more to the overall story, though it’s still nothing that has any major impact on the plot. It’s almost frustrating because those vintage scenes have a cool look to them, but the plot is so muddled early on that by the time we get to some kid of resolution I’d imagine most viewers will have checked out. There is some value here… for adolescent teens. Maybe. Back in 1995, we didn’t have the internet. Renting a VHS tape of Alyssa Milano having lesbian sex was like Warehouse giving you a porno for the week. Today, you can see anything – ANYTHING – online. So who cares if a couple of hot chicks make out and simulate sex? Kids can, and will, watch much more anywhere they want. The original film’s appeal was seeing a no-longer-a-kid starlet get it on with a chick while vampire stuff happened. Who is the girl they got to star in this? I don’t know, but she isn’t someone people are going to care about seeing in these situations aside from the fact that she is an attractive woman. “Embrace of the Vampire” misses the reason the previous film existed in the first place, hoping that by using the name they can suck in fans of that film. But it’s unlikely to work since anyone from that generation who remembers that film knows exactly why they watched it. This entry is good for one thing: landscapes! Seriously, Canada is all about the nature porn. But this film is terrible.
Video
One thing is for sure, this is an attractive image. The 1.78:1 1080p 24/fps AVC MPEG-4 encoded image is essentially flawless, exhibiting a fantastic level of detail that really shows off the landscapes, architecture of the campus, and the heavenly bodies that populate the film. The detail is so good that you can see the tiny hairs on the lip of our lead actress. The landscape in Canada, as I’ve mentioned, looked so incredible in high definition. The campus they’re using is in just about the most majestic setting I could imagine. All of the people in this movie are good looking; even the people who the movie tries to pretend aren’t good looking. As such, they all look superb in HD. There is no grain present; this is a very clean image.
Audio
The English Dolby Digital TrueHD 5.1 surround sound track (48kHz/24-bit) is proficient, providing an experience that has good aural elements, though it’s unspectacular overall. The track is very active, with score or some type of action being heard practically all the time. Rear speakers aid in creating a more immersive sound field, and a few bigger sequences have a good audible weight to them. Nothing here impresses to such a degree that it’s noteworthy; this is simply a very competent, contemporary soundtrack that makes god use of the lossless capabilities afforded to it. Subtitles are available in English for the hearing impaired and Spanish.
Extras
DISC ONE: BLU-RAY Not a single thing. Well, unless you count a few bonus trailers (1080p): - “I Spit on Your Grave” runs for 1 minute and 21 seconds. - “Lovelace” runs for 2 minutes and 27 seconds. - “The Lords of Salem” runs for 2 minutes and 10 seconds. DISC TWO: DVD This is a DVD copy of the feature film.
Packaging
Both discs come housed in an eco-case, on a hub opposite the other.
Overall
Watch the original. Avoid this, unless you’re really hard up for softcore trash.
|
|||||
|