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Toolbox Murders 2
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Shout! Factory Review written by and copyright: Anthony Arrigo (8th August 2015). |
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The Film
 I’d like to put as much effort into this review as the makers of “Toolbox Murders 2” (2013) put into their film, but then it would end right here. In my twenty-odd years of watching horror, I have seen more sh*t than a chili cook-off port-a-potty – and this is coming from someone who has acquired enough sense to know what films should be avoided. But as a reviewer, that luxury is sidelined. This film, also known as “Coffin Baby” per IMDb, is a continuation of Tobe Hooper’s “Toolbox Murders” (2004) – a movie that has often been described to me as “terrible” and “something I avoided watching” – which is itself a remake of “The Toolbox Murders” (1978), another clunker. “Toolbox Murders 2” must have been conceived and shot in some bizarre spatial time warp, with the filmmakers stuck in 2005 where extreme gore horror was still a thing. Grossing out audiences worked for about a year or two, after which time most fans saw through the Karo syrup and asked “Can we have things like story and character development, too?” Making a “torture porn” film today is likeLimp Bizkit launching a comeback tour – which they did… and no one cared. I hate to crush a person’s dreams, but Chauntal Lewis has got to be one of the worst lead actresses to anchor a film. Advice: don’t quit the day job at whatever bar in the Valley hired you. She may be easy enough on the eyes, but in terms of ability I have seen more conviction from actresses in a herpes commercial. Bruce Dern, you are an Oscar-nominated, venerable actor. You have worked with Quentin Tarantino, Alexander Payne and Joe Dante, to name just a few. What the f**k are you doing wasting your talents here? Every moment of this 95-minute mental colonoscopy felt like an eternity. As of this writing, the filmmakers behind “Toolbox Murders 2” are trying to raise funds for a third. I don’t believe prayer holds any power, but I may have to make an exception and ask for some divine intervention to prevent another cinematic travesty from occurring. This series should’ve never started, and it damn sure shouldn’t continue.
Video
The 1.78:1 1080p 24/fps AVC MPEG-4 encoded image is generally clean, with good coloration and reasonable contrast.
Audio
An English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround sound track (48kHz/24-bit) is a mostly flat affair, lacking in dynamic range and featuring some truly atrocious scoring. There is also an English DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 stereo mix available, too. Subtitles are included in English.
Extras
There’s one extra here… A theatrical trailer (1080p) runs for 1 minute and 52 seconds.
Packaging
The single disc comes housed in a standard Blu-ray keep case. A slip-cover is included on first pressings.
Overall
Just don’t.
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