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The Last Witch Hunter
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Lionsgate Home Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Eric Cotenas (10th February 2016). |
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The Film
 The Black Plague having decimated their village and taken their loved ones, a band of witch hunters lead by Kaulder (The Fast and the Furious' Vin Diesel) descend upon the lair of The Witch Queen (The Red Baron's Julie Engelbrecht) to destroy her. Having divined that Kaulder has come to the battle ready to join his dead wife (The Fault in Our Stars's Lotte Verbeek) and daughter (Sloane Coombs), The Witch Queen curses Kaulder with immortality as he kills her. In the eight hundred years since then, Kaulder has served The Catholic Church's Axe and Cross Organization, policing the good witches and arresting the bad witches (who practice black magic or simply use magic on or against humans) for prosecution by The Witch Counsel. Kaulder's history has been chronicled by successive generations of priests known as Dolan (after the priest who witnessed Kaulder's slaying of The Witch Queen). On the eve of his retirement, Dolan the 36th (Alfie's Michael Caine) dies of apparently natural causes, but Kaulder soon shows young Dolan the 37th (Cooties's Elijah Wood) – dedicated to the cause since Kaulder saved him from the fire that killed his parents when he was five – that the evidence of supernatural involvement has been concealed by black magic. Kaulder consults blind warlock Max (Casa de Lava's Isaach De Bankolé) on an herb found at the scene and discovers that it was purchased along with some other ingredients associated with necromancy. The number of dead plague flies he finds in Dolan the 36th's apartment suggests to Kaulder that the man is not dead but cursed in an attempt to discover something from him; and that the only hope of curing Dolan is to kill the witch who cast the spell. With only the cryptic clue "Remember your death" left by Dolan to go on, Kaulder approaches young witch Chloe (Honeymoon's Rose Leslie) for a memory potion; but the trance-like state leaves him vulnerable to powerful witch Belial (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty's Ólafur Darri Ólafsson) who destroys Chloe's shop and tries to kill her in order to prevent Kaulder from remembering what happened in the moments between his death and resurrection. Although Belial has done away with or bribed witches who could have provided Kaulder and Chloe with an essential ingredient to make more of the memory potion, Kaulder discovers that Chloe is a dream-walker (descended from the The Witch Queen's chief assassins) and that she has the inborn ability to help him recover his memories. When Kaulder discovers the secret of his own immortality, he realizes that Belial is plotting to resurrect The Witch Queen, and that he, Chloe, and Dolan the 37th must stop him or risk the return of the Black Plague to wipe out humanity with the help of "the perfect coven" of witches prosecuted by The Witch Council and incarcerated in purgatory. With the reasonably charismatic Diesel (who also produced) kicking supernatural ass, The Last Witch Hunter should be suspenseful, should have some jump scares even if it fails at being scary, and should at the very least be a brainless diversion; but what can one really expect from a film by the writers of Priest and yet another tiresome Underworld in the making (Cory Goodman), Dracula Untold and the ridiculous-looking Gods of Egypt (Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless), and the director of Sahara (Breck Eisner, The Crazies remake not withstanding). The rules that govern the universe of this film all have to be told to use (rather than show) by Diesel's witch hunter with Wood's and Leslie's characters seemingly necessary only to ask the meaning of things for the sake of the audience; and Diesel's monotone delivery is not the least engaging. One character is given such insufficient screen time and characterization that when their betrayal is revealed, it is difficult to determine if it they were part of the witches' plot all along or just taking advantage of the situation at that point in the film (meanwhile, another character branded a traitor has done little onscreen any shiftier than any of the other characters). Besides the portrayal of the church as a law unto itself - with Kaulder lamenting that they no longer kill witches but incarcerate them (conceding that "Salem was wrong" because the women were innocents rather than persecuted witches) - there is also something insultingly paternalistic when he sneeringly tells novice witch (Scream: The TV Series' Bex Taylor-Klaus) "You witches have no idea the power you've got." While Caine is just picking up a check and it goes without saying that Leslie and Wood are wasted, it is most unfortunate that De Bankolé is really given little more to do than in The Skeleton Key. Ólafsson's Death Metal incarnate witch is as laughable as many of the vaguely Goth caricature supporting witches or the Dawn Olivieri's (American Hustle) "old money" diva and her coven of fashion models (who use magic to conceal their age and ugliness). The Witch Council – described by accused witch Ellic (Lockout's Joseph Gilgun) as looking "like a terrible band from the 80s" – are given too little screen time, likewise wasting the presence of Once Were Warriors' Rena Owen. The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black" had lost its sinister significance by the time The Devil's Advocate featured it over the end credits, and The Last Witch Hunte closes with a particularly dreadful cover by Ciara as part of its nine minute credits sequence. To obtain the commercially viable PG-13 rating, it appears that some potentially grisly imagery has been toned down (including a witch hunter clawed by a witch whose armor starts to collapse inward like a crushed aluminum can); but if you've seen the Evil Dead remake, then The Witch Queen's visual design will offer no surprises or frissons. The rest of the visual effects are likewise undistinguished while the cinematography of the usually reliable Dean Semler (Dead Calm) seems to fallen victim to the "shoot it flat and let the colorists do all the work during the DI" aesthetic. When all is said and done, The Last Witch Hunter is a non-starter as a film franchise, and audiences may be all the better for it. 
Video
LionsGate's 1080p24 MPEG-4 AVC 2.40:1 widescreen transfer looks spectacular if you like sickly green color schemes and various kinds of flare occluding the flashback sequences (which are just as dialed down in saturation). A 4K ULTRA HD+Blu-ray+Digital HD edition will be available next month. 
Audio
LionsGate's Blu-ray goes overkill on the audio options starting with a powerful DTS:X mix that is fully active from the start (although I do not have a DTS:X set-up, the core is loud and busy in a manner that makes LionsGate's previous DTS:X Blu-rays American Ultra and seem much more refined), a DTS 2.0 stereo downmix, a DTS Headphone X 2.0 "virtual surround" option (presumably not available when LionsGate included a DTS 2.0 "late night viewing" optimized option on the aformentioned American Ultra), a descriptive audio DTS 2.0 mix, and a Spanish DTS 5.1 dub. The optional English subtitles are actually very helpful sorting out some of Diesel's more monotonous passages of exposition (English SDH and Spanish subtitle options are also included). 
Extras
Extras start off with a not-very-enlightening audio commentary by director Breck Eisner who, given the dearth of actual imagination on display in the story, focuses on the technical and cosmetic aspects of the visuals and soundtrack while speaking highly of all of the cast and crew members discussed. The "Crafting the Magic: The Last Witch Hunter" (30:20) featurette lends some insight into the film's raison d'etre: Diesel's nerdy teenage love of Dungeons & Dragons and his fascination with the idea of an immortal New Yorker (treated with more intrigue and imagination elsewhere in various media) while Eisner and crew point out elements of the production design that hint at unexplored side stories of the character throughout the ages (including paintings and photographs which are never given scrutiny in the finished film). The four animated short films under the rubric "The Origin of the Axe and Cross" (9:52) are crudely animated (intentionally so, it seems) but simultaneously offer up more interesting visuals than the finished film. "The Last Witch Hunter Sizzle Reel/Paint It, Black" (1:36) is a promotional montage set to Ciara's terrible cover. Although it seems as if a lot wound up on the cutting room floor, only two deleted scenes (5:42) are included, the first offering a more verbose introduction for the Belial character (which does not make him any more charismatic or threatening) while the second is an extension of Kaulder's investigation of Ellic's lair that adds nothing of value. 
Overall
When all is said and done, The Last Witch Hunter is a non-starter as a film franchise, and audiences may be all the better for it. 
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